Monday, July 28, 2014

Project Updates

Since clearing my plate of commissions and declining all offers on more undesirable projects and commission work, I have fully focused on myself, my health and my creative health. It is not an overnight process, and it continues to roll on as I update you today. I start a new dayjob this week, as the first one wasn't the most ideal. This new one is a better overall choice and will work quite well as far as working on a nightly schedule of getting things done. I'm looking forward to getting back to a routine that I so severely need to be a part of. It has been severely lacking.

To be assured, it will be a massive adjustment in sleep schedule and a juggle with family life. But I stay on the path and keep rocking, not letting up or the temptations in, once the smoke clears I will be where I need to be. Health-wise, financially, creatively, emotionally and so much more. I have grand plans in my head but I am not holding myself down with them. Just chasing the mere whimsy in my mind as I just keep doing what I do and re-learning why I chose to do it. Also re-finding the joy in doing it too. Again, not going to happen overnight.

Overall, I am still at it. I am happy to say I wrote a great outline for a future project. I edited and added 10 pages of stuff to the porn store book. I have been cleaning up little things here and there around the house. I've done some writing. I spent time watching things I keep putting off, and reading authors I keep hearing about. I've been listening to albums long ignored. And I pencilled the last STARSLAM page. It is only a matter of time for these seeds to bear fruit.

But I am driven by the creativity of those around me and those I look up to. I am driven by the dreams of travelling next year to some shows to see some old friends again. I am driven to be able to better myself and to end the various worries in my head.

Rest assured, I will emerge triumphant. It is inevitable. Even now, unstoppable.

_________

This week: I am interviewing a couple guys I look up to for a future podcast/website post for bigfanboy.com - I am giddy with nervousness about how cool it is to talk to these dudes.

I have also accepted an invite to work on another sketch card set for a big company on a big project. Seems like the less I try, the more I am getting asked! Feels good for a change and I appreciate it.

I am thinking ahead to Anna Pocalypse 2 art and rethinking a few scenes I have already drawn out. Refining. Reinventing. I got some new reference and I am going to be using it. Thats up next and down the road. I'm feeling the drive again to finish it. Thats fucking awesome!

Wheels are turning.  Be warned. When I emerge finally, I'm going to blow all of you away.

T


Sunday, July 27, 2014

Nine Inch Nails and Soundgarden at DTE July 26, 2014

Hey folks. Long night but I am back and I had a great time seeing NIN & Soundgarden at DTE in Clarkston, MI. I had to remember back and that I discovered NIN around 1993 or early 1994 and always vowed I'd see them live. But it took 20 years to do so!! Certainly, they did not dissapoint. I'm not a massive Soundgarden guy but I like three of their albums.

Soundgarden: Played all the hits. Some good stuff from BADMOTORFINGER and SUPERUNKNOWN. I woulda loved hearing "Pretty Noose," but I was happy with what I got. Chris Cornell still has the voice, thats for damn sure. I was especially excited to see the drummer Matt Cameron, who drums with Soundgarden but also Pearl Jam. He's one of my favorite 90s drummers.




After a nice break where my buddy Matt and I acted like idiots...




Nine Inch Nails came on and they certainly put on a show. The stage had these rolling backdrops that changed every song. There really was an onslaught of songs with really no breaks. There was only one minor break toward the end where Trent addressed the audience. His voice and the music copied the albums to a capital T and sounded great. I heard complaints from people in the lawn area of the venue that NIN was quieter than Soundgarden but I didn't experience that. We got pavillion seats, so we were in the pink.








If I had ANY complaint on NIN's set was that they neglected to play anything from "The Fragile." I woulda loved hearing "the Wretched" or "Somewhat Damaged." Oh well. They played lots from pretty much all the albums from Pretty Hate Machine to Hesitation Marks. A visual treat. If you download my Morning Show Podcast episode #262, you will hear a bit of audio from the show. I also recorded little snippets of video I'll upload to Youtube at some point.

One cool thing that happened was inbetween sets, we were talking with a couple in front of us and I didn't say much. The dude mentioned he had kids and the wife and I could take our kids to a kid friendly beer place in Lansing he knew of. then I mentioned "Well, its hard for us to get out because my five year old has autism." And he said "whoa! Our four year old does too!" So we swapped autism parenting war stories for a bit. I woulda loved to talk to them a bit more about it, because autism parents love to chat about techniques that work and what not. But Trent walked on and interrupted us! HA!!! But thats the third time I casually mention my son's autism to a couple and they say they have the same thing going on with their kids! So weird. You think you are struggling alone as a parent and no one understands what you got on your plate and all around are people going through the same thing, silently. I just thought it was a cool moment.

Most of the people at the show were around my age, mid-30s. I saw no fights and no arseholes. Everyone was getting along, reliving their teen angst and enjoying every second. And both bands put on a damn good show and sounded just as good as they did 20 years ago. I am now assured that the 90's are very much alive and I'm glad they are still around. (and me too!)

If you get the chance to see this tour, I hereby recommend it.

T

Thursday, July 24, 2014

SDCC Finds So Far...

I went to San Diego Comic Con only once in 2009. It was a very memorable trip for me. I got to see lots of my friends, make new ones, drink next to Uhura, buy exclusives, work the Antarctic Press booth for a while and even concieved a new character and comic in the hotel room one of those nights! Yes, my graphic novel ANNA POCALYPSE was outlined and sketched there. So the trip was quite fun and I've always wanted to go back. Its not a good "business" show for me to set up at or anything, but just a fun spectacle to behold and be at. Each year since 2009 they've had major surprises and goings on that make me mad that I didn't get the cash together to go back yet. Last year was the big BREAKING BAD stuff, which especially hurt.

Each year, I watch on FB, Twitter and other news sites of all the news, pics and fun all my pals are having there. I also read up on the news, pics of the show floor and exclusives. Its only Thursday so some of the big nut news going on out there right now still hasn't dropped yet. But so far I am digging the pics of some of the upcoming toys and things.....


Especially exciting is the new Ghostbusters figures. I missed out on the first Matty Collector run and now they are on ebay for stupid money. But these are essentially the same figures, but the packs can be removed. AWESOME! I Gotta jump on these this time. And yes, I will buy two of each. 


I'm a BIG fan of the Batman animated 90's series. And they are producing figures for the set. I'll get a few of them, I am sure. For sure a Batman, Joker and Riddler. 


Finally, FINALLY, the announced and showed packaging for the upcoming Batman 1960's tv show Blu-Ray box set. Its never been released on home video before, so everyone is anxious for it. The price is a tad high right now, but I'm sure it will go down in time.

Its early yet and I am sure some major happenings will be going down this weekend at Comic Con. I know all my pals are having a good time. It is my definate hope to join them there next year. Since I recently scored a new day job, I'm making it a personal goal to pay off all bills and then save up to go to the show and have fun. Its an expensive one, sure... but one that is well worth checking out at least once in your life. There's arguements all over the place how the movie studios have taken it over and its not "comic" con anymore. But Fuck it. Its more a big celebration of all things nerd pop culture and there's about 150,000 people there that all are into the same shit as you. And EVERYONE goes. So make your plans to try it once as well!

T

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A bit of a Facelift






Hey everyone! If you notice the main page of Idiothead.com, you'll see there's been a few changes. First of all I redrew the old logo (see above) with a bit of an update. I changed all the buttons too. But the BIG change is that the ADULTS ONLY section is now gone. This is in preperation for the eventual launch of STARSLAM as a stand alone digital project somewhere down the road. For now, I have replaced that area with a link to refocus some attention on my podcasts, more specifically my IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW PODCAST - So there's all that.

I hope you dig the new changes. Have a great week and weekend. The wife's bday is this weekend and so I plan to stay busy and spending time with family and friends.

Many cheers, T

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

A Thanks and a Check in

Hey everyone. I'm here for a quick check in.

I've re-read my last blog post a few times now and I realize that perhaps parts of it just read a bit too on the nose of depression and sadness than I intended. I guess when I free form type as I do, I really get things out raw and at times, that can be quite intense. Sometimes even ambigious as to actual intent and severity. But I have recieved your messages, your notes, your calls, etc. I appreciate all of your support and understanding. I really, really do. Its great to know you are all at my back.

But rest assured, I am okay. Things are progressing. I sold off my last APs and I am clear of all commission work that was clouding my progress. I spent some time vegging out just watching M*A*S*H re-runs and playing with the kids. I went to my new job's orientation this week and I should be starting soon. I am really looking forward to it. I also had a minor victory where someone I have been chasing for over two years for some money owed finally paid me! Of course, its just sitting in my paypal account until I can solve all this hacker BS that happened last week. (UGH) But things are on the up and up.


I even got out of the house and got a bit of work done on my own like the good old days. I cannot describe how good that felt. It was like I reconnected with a bit of my old self again. I tapped into something I had forgotten. And it made me search my brain even deeper. What do I want? How do I want it? Now that I got the cobwebs identified and I am clearing them from my mind with the magic sweeper, the world is my oyster. I know what I don't need in my life and I am working on defeating those demons. I am also down 10 pounds in 15 days on this new diet. My health is improving. My skills are returning. I'm starting to feel like "me" again, and not this defeated, old slug that ignores what his true calling is. I'm not saying I'm all healed at all. I still have a long ways to go. But I've taken my first steps back into myself and I and enjoying what I still remember. And I am confident in my perceptions now that I was right all along. It was me that clouded my judgement and now its me that will undo the damage I've done.

I know what I want, when I am going to do it and how I am going to do it. But most importantly, do I care about the outcome when I do it?

No. I don't. For the first time in a long time, I don't. I don't give a fuck. Because what I want is for me and me alone.

SO: Whats next? No timetable folks. I'm not making promises here. I'm still on a sabbatical from all external forces that got in my goddamn way and sent me on the downward spiral in the first place. I'm back to being a bit selfish. I'm back to doing things that make me happy. I'm back to finishing things how and when I want them done. And when they are ready, they will be ready. I'll let you know. But I'm not allowing external forces, or myself, (especially myself) to get in the way again. I'm taking my life back. I'll finish what I gotta finish, and when its due and in my own good time. Trust me, you'll get everything I promised and more.... and sooner than you think.

I'm slowly reconnecting with my old self again. Its been a long time and I am glad to see I didn't wander too far away. And I had a great conversation with him tonight. Might I provide a screenshot? Why the fuck not....


Hello old friends. Come on in and lets talk....

T

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Taking a Break


I’ve crafted this about a hundred times in my head. Each time the depression sets in, I contemplate this. I weigh the pros and cons of the decision and each time I talk myself out of it. I know there’s no way I can ever quit doing art in some form. Either writing, drawing, creating comics, music… something will always be here for me. Because it is in my soul. It is not a part of me, it IS me. But this time the feeling is stronger than ever and I know this time what must be done. So here I am, making the leap to do what I gotta do.

That’s why coming to this eventual realization has been so difficult for me. I’ve trusted in the winds to blow me where I was supposed to go but lately I keep getting blown back to this big wall. Its too tall to climb alone and I find too many things gluing my feet to the ground not allowing me to soar above it all. I’ve entered the age of 36 not liking what I see in myself. Physically, mentally, creatively. I’ve somehow crafted a future that is bleak and not “me.” I’ve dwelled in the thoughts that I should compare and be in the game, when I am playing something else all together. All in all, it has left me with a feeling of being stunted. Unconfident. Depressed. A great Ennui.

Life has thrown a lot at me, especially this last year. I’ve barely held on. I kept standing. I kept pretending it was all okay. But in reality I was drowning. I was too proud to admit defeat (for now). My health has declined out of control, my finances look like Hiroshima, my family life is a constant struggle and I know I have been strong too long. I never cry. Never. But lately, I do. For no reason whatsoever. But I am too proud to let anyone, even my wife, know it. During times I should be up and working while everyone is asleep, I am sitting in a chair crying. Because I know I cannot do this anymore. I need to change it all. I need a self-imposed rehab of sorts.

It is with all of this in mind, that I am now announcing a break from everything involved with my work. I will not be business Facebooking, Twittering, Deviantarting, Hentai Foundarying, etc. Blogs and podcasts will continue but will be more sporatic. I know there might be something that will pop up that I'll feel strongly enough about to comment on, so blogs and podcasts shall continue but not quite as often as before. All plans for Starslam Kickstarter and digital content launch are on hold until such time as I feel like I can take it on. As of today, my paypal account will be closed down (since it was hacked recently, I got a fear of it anyway). All book sales will still be available but I shall not be taking on any commissioned artwork. All productions shall cease and be shut down for the time being. The time table is for me alone to know. Rest assured this is not the end of me. I will return. But right now there are things I need to focus more attention on and the rat race is dragging me down. I do it to myself, I recognize that, and therefore I am changing it. I just want to play in my own head again. I need to pursue what made me happy about doing anything creative in the first place. I am going to embrace the changes in my life and relieve myself of some pressure. Again, all self-imposed pressure. Not your fault. But I recognize where I am falling short with myself and I am now correcting it.

My creating will continue. I am still going to finish things like Starslam, Anna Pocalypse 2, the porn store novel, etc. But I am not imposing myself on any deadline. I will still take on the occasional sketch card gig from trusted companies. I will still work privately on my own things. However I will not be discussing them as much as I did in the past. Sometimes I feel doing so, for me, is a sort of vanity that makes me feel like such a tool. I feel like I am just verbally jerking off when I do that, when I should be polished enough to just let the work be what it is without a million words why and why not, explaining its existence.

For now, I got a night job and I am going to be focusing on that. Getting back to my roots. Getting out and talking to people again and discovering who I am after living in my own head for so damn long. And before long, the pencil will be picked up and put to paper again. Please, don’t worry about me. This is not a cry for help or attention. This isn’t a career suicide. I’m not jumping off any ledge at all. I am just stepping away from the mic for a while. I’m okay. I just know when I’ve done too much to myself and I need to hunker down and take care of business. I will emerge again like a phoenix out of the fire.

I just simply have to go away for a while, and dream it all up again. Believe me, I’ll be back sooner than you think…. And better than before.

Thanks everyone for your support over the years and don’t worry. I’ll be back to show you whats new again. For now, I am excited for the future and changing my life around for the better. See you on the other side!

Cheers, peace and love,

T

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Star wars cards!

Well, the cat can be out of the bag since other people are posting thiers. I did 20 cards for the upcoming Topps web exclusive Return of the Jedi 3D card set. All the cards I did were relic cards, which had a piece of actual film prop on the card, from ewok fur to part of jabba's sail barge!! It was an honor to work on the set and especially trusted to do the relic cards. It was a great experience. Heres a look at some of my cards:


Also for those curious, I do have APs available for this set. As for now, I have TWO in my possession, but I believe I am being mailed two more. I will let you know but so far, TWO are available. And for now, they are blank and can be commissioned with any character or scene from ROTJ that you want. I simply have to draw it, submit it to the editor for approval and then its yours. If interested, EMAIL ME HERE to inquire about availability.

thanks for looking, and thanks again to TOPPS for allowing me on another Star Wars set!

ADAM T>