Smiling through the day

I'm a big kid. I got kid tastes and sometimes that ain't bad. But I've always desired to branch out and try new things. I desire nice looking things. "Growing up" some would call it. Its a double edged sword for me. I like to keep a piece of my childhood alive so I never lose my childhood eyesight. But I find that lately, I have way less of a sugary soda taste, and more of a willingess to have wine instead. I realize now on the flipside of things that there is so much I haven't done. Jaw dropping things that everyone has done but I haven't. I watch shows about gardening and fixing up homes or interior decorating and exotic cooking. But I've never pursued those things in my life. I mean, my pillowcase I am using right now? A HE-MAN pillowcase I had when I was a kid. No shit. Really? How long must I sing the same song? HA! My childhood influences still being here even though im 37 fucking years old... that makes me smile.

Knowing I have these desires and the fact that I intend to pursue them give me a reason to smile. The fact that I'm branching out beyond myself and what I feel like my "tastes" are in life, make me happy. I feel like I am in a place where accomplishments are being met. I've conquored a lot in my life and its becoming my strength. I find now that I am free to try these things if I want to, and I have an extreme desire to. Its a "WHY NOT" mentality. I like that about my current evolution. I have people who are willing to show me these things. They've been there for me for many deep talks and advice when I needed it most. And they make me smile.

A lot of my friends are going through trials too. I've had two friends this past week survive major car accidents. They came out unscarred but scared. We all face major shit that happens but when we come out safe and unharmed it gives us a great appreciation for surviving it. Sure its scary, but we made it through. And thier strength and courage makes me smile.

I have so many reasons to smile lately. And some of those I keep to myself. For once, my happiness is my own and I am dwelling in it deeply. I proudly display them in the front and corners in my mind. Like a triptych of three flowers sitting in a vase on a table. The flowers have meaning and smell pretty and were picked out with care. The smell and look of them make someone else smile. And that, makes me smile back!

I got a lot to do in the next couple months. Artworking, personal stuff, business stuff, shipping out a ton of books, getting things lined up in my life, saving money for the future, helping my dad out... just SO MUCH to come. But I'm not scared to deal with any of it. I'm very happy to do it all. Looking forward to it. The future. The things that make me happy. And through it all? I'll be smiling.

Peace and Luv, T